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Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
beauty...
I am the worst at studying.
I seriously am. I feel like I already know all the material, which I do know it, but you can never review it too many times.
I know the answers, but the thing is I will be presenting the answers in front of at least 200 people, nerve raking? Oh yes. If it were written test I would probably kick ass at it.
We have reviewed the exact same material every day you pretty much become comfortable talking about it. I know the material, but my problem is getting it out there. Putting it into words.
So I am going to give it to you…
Haha
You are probably so happy you are reading this.
So I was talking to my contact in San Luis Potosi, Saul, who told me people were laughing at him at the idea of having a screenings, and he told me that the question that he was being asked the most was the following.
Why should I care about people in Africa?
Which every time I get that question the same thing pops into my head. That being, “how can you not relate to the human condition, you fucking asshole?” Something inside me kind of tells me that won’t go to well from stage.
I honestly don’t know how to answer questions like that.
I could go into a whole we are human, and we should care about our fellow human speech, but something inside me tells me that those people probably won’t care.
I do believe that. I love the generation I live in, because we are the ones who have started living not with the belief of us being part of a country, but us being a more global generation. I care for the people in Africa, because they are people. I know that if I were in their situation I would want other people to help the injustice in my community stop. I refuse to believe that I have no say in what happens in Africa. If other humans are getting killed, because one man is evil, I don’t care if you are in the other side of the globe. I refuse to stand, and do nothing about it.
It makes me sad that people don’t understand the importance of it.
For example, one of my friends, I would love to type out the entire conversation we had just so you can see how completely ignorant and evil people can be sometimes.
This happened kind of a long time ago, it might have been maybe the second week I had been here in San Diego. It still pisses me off, because it’s people like him that can totally bring a person down. One of my friends (kind of shaky, he pisses me off every two weeks or so) texted me asking me how I was, I of course was a happy butterfly so I told him I was doing great, he of course in his pessimist ways asked me why, I told him that I was finally doing something I cared about. He went into telling me that I was surrounded with people that had the same hope I did.
Him: “haha hope 4 wat? A better tomorrow? Haha”
Me: “yep”
Him: “lame”
That was part of our text message conversation.
It went on to me telling him to let me believe what I wanted to believe. Not to try and make mine seem lesser.
Him: “the thing is that u kant make that change u need thousands and its good that ure doing it I just believe that human beings destroy everythhn its on our nature”
Me: “I agree with you in aspect. I do not believe that I am going to stop the war. I am not claiming that. How did slavery stop? How did women get the right to vote? How did homosexuals get the right to work? Through the advocacy of a few. It starts with a few.”
BAM! History lesson! I love history….
Him: I see ure point but u should first be tryin to stop our war”
Oh! It’s kind of funny cos this is the exact type of comments people throw at you. The sad thing is that I can’t really answer people the way I would answer him.
He later went into asking me who I thought I was to interfere in Africa, into telling me I had been brainwashed, that things like that didn’t only happen in Africa, to be interested in something other than Africa, and laughing at me.
Some people are evil. He is right about that. I tend to forget about that, because beautiful people surround me, yes we all have our flaws, but the things they do overshadows them.
I honestly do not know where I am getting at.
I think it’s probably something along the lines of one dreams can easily be crushed by one person, but those dreams have the potential to be raised up again by 100 more people.
While one man is terrorizing several communities, there are thousands of people ready to stand and make him stop.
The world is surrounded by evilness, but what I have found out is that there is much more beauty to over shadow that evilness. You just have to open your eyes.
I seriously am. I feel like I already know all the material, which I do know it, but you can never review it too many times.
I know the answers, but the thing is I will be presenting the answers in front of at least 200 people, nerve raking? Oh yes. If it were written test I would probably kick ass at it.
We have reviewed the exact same material every day you pretty much become comfortable talking about it. I know the material, but my problem is getting it out there. Putting it into words.
So I am going to give it to you…
Haha
You are probably so happy you are reading this.
So I was talking to my contact in San Luis Potosi, Saul, who told me people were laughing at him at the idea of having a screenings, and he told me that the question that he was being asked the most was the following.
Why should I care about people in Africa?
Which every time I get that question the same thing pops into my head. That being, “how can you not relate to the human condition, you fucking asshole?” Something inside me kind of tells me that won’t go to well from stage.
I honestly don’t know how to answer questions like that.
I could go into a whole we are human, and we should care about our fellow human speech, but something inside me tells me that those people probably won’t care.
I do believe that. I love the generation I live in, because we are the ones who have started living not with the belief of us being part of a country, but us being a more global generation. I care for the people in Africa, because they are people. I know that if I were in their situation I would want other people to help the injustice in my community stop. I refuse to believe that I have no say in what happens in Africa. If other humans are getting killed, because one man is evil, I don’t care if you are in the other side of the globe. I refuse to stand, and do nothing about it.
It makes me sad that people don’t understand the importance of it.
For example, one of my friends, I would love to type out the entire conversation we had just so you can see how completely ignorant and evil people can be sometimes.
This happened kind of a long time ago, it might have been maybe the second week I had been here in San Diego. It still pisses me off, because it’s people like him that can totally bring a person down. One of my friends (kind of shaky, he pisses me off every two weeks or so) texted me asking me how I was, I of course was a happy butterfly so I told him I was doing great, he of course in his pessimist ways asked me why, I told him that I was finally doing something I cared about. He went into telling me that I was surrounded with people that had the same hope I did.
Him: “haha hope 4 wat? A better tomorrow? Haha”
Me: “yep”
Him: “lame”
That was part of our text message conversation.
It went on to me telling him to let me believe what I wanted to believe. Not to try and make mine seem lesser.
Him: “the thing is that u kant make that change u need thousands and its good that ure doing it I just believe that human beings destroy everythhn its on our nature”
Me: “I agree with you in aspect. I do not believe that I am going to stop the war. I am not claiming that. How did slavery stop? How did women get the right to vote? How did homosexuals get the right to work? Through the advocacy of a few. It starts with a few.”
BAM! History lesson! I love history….
Him: I see ure point but u should first be tryin to stop our war”
Oh! It’s kind of funny cos this is the exact type of comments people throw at you. The sad thing is that I can’t really answer people the way I would answer him.
He later went into asking me who I thought I was to interfere in Africa, into telling me I had been brainwashed, that things like that didn’t only happen in Africa, to be interested in something other than Africa, and laughing at me.
Some people are evil. He is right about that. I tend to forget about that, because beautiful people surround me, yes we all have our flaws, but the things they do overshadows them.
I honestly do not know where I am getting at.
I think it’s probably something along the lines of one dreams can easily be crushed by one person, but those dreams have the potential to be raised up again by 100 more people.
While one man is terrorizing several communities, there are thousands of people ready to stand and make him stop.
The world is surrounded by evilness, but what I have found out is that there is much more beauty to over shadow that evilness. You just have to open your eyes.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Invisible Children Spring 2009 Roadies
MEXICO
Me, Chad, Andrea, Rob, Willie, and Colleen.
We kick so much ass. All the time. In life. I love them. We are awesome.
We head out until March, which makes me a bit sad. We are the first ever Mexico roadies, and we own it.
Also, as some of you can tell there are only two Mexican looking people in our team, since technically we are the only two Mexicans in it. We represent an entire culture. It's ridiculously intense. Also, Colleen is not going on the road with us she is our assistant, but I am working on a proposal for the people in charge to let us take her with us cos she kicks so much ass.
MID-ATLANTIC
My favorite team besides mine. I don't think I should write that, but I think it's obvious.
Team people:
Brady, Shannon, Kelly Trujillo, and Jonathan.
GREAT LAKES
I room with the two girls, and I love them.
Chris, Domonique, Sabrina, and Austin.
SO-CAL
The prettiest team.
Orion, Geoff, Ashley G, and Ashley W.
Ashley W saved my ankle. I will forever love her because of that.
EAST COAST
I teach Ivory Spanish all the time. Also, Ivory was the lead singer of a band I always forget the name of. The two girls are flipping sweet, and Nathan is probably the coolest looking dude in the world.
Team:
Nathan, Joleah, Ivory, and Sarah.
DEEP SOUTH
They are awesome. Gabe and Jenna were two of the first people I met.
Team:
Zach, Clara, Gabe, and Jenna.
PACIFIC NORTH WEST
Super cool team.
Annie is probably the funniest person in the house. Derick and Matt are just two really cool looking guys, and Rima is just one of those people that you want to talk to.
Team:
Annie, Derick, Matt and Rima.
NEW ENGLAND
Cool team. Every single person in this team is completely different.
All awesome soul, just completely different.
Also, Anna and I are apparently moving to Mexico together after this tour is done.
Team:
John, Brit, Tyler, and Anna.
TEXAS:
I love them.
I room with the two girls, and they both pretty much make my life a little bit better.
Go to Austin for the big event damn it!
Team:
Brynne, Rory, Daniel, and Mallory.
MOUNTAIN WEST
Super cool!!
Team:
Kenneth, Page, Kelly C, and Cole
I love them all. Middle America is still missing, their picture aren't up yet, they will be.
I hope you guys get to meet some of them, depending where you are.
Peace,
Zari
Annie is probably the funniest person in the house. Derick and Matt are just two really cool looking guys, and Rima is just one of those people that you want to talk to.
Team:
Annie, Derick, Matt and Rima.
NEW ENGLAND
Cool team. Every single person in this team is completely different.
All awesome soul, just completely different.
Also, Anna and I are apparently moving to Mexico together after this tour is done.
Team:
John, Brit, Tyler, and Anna.
TEXAS:
I love them.
I room with the two girls, and they both pretty much make my life a little bit better.
Go to Austin for the big event damn it!
Team:
Brynne, Rory, Daniel, and Mallory.
MOUNTAIN WEST
Super cool!!
Team:
Kenneth, Page, Kelly C, and Cole
I love them all. Middle America is still missing, their picture aren't up yet, they will be.
I hope you guys get to meet some of them, depending where you are.
Peace,
Zari
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Team...
So I realized that I have not really taken the time to talk about my team at all, which both make me weird and a horrible teammate.
It makes me weird because I share a corner with all of them (no we aren’t prostitutes, we just have our desks there), and I will live in a van with them for the next couple of months.
I’m a horrible teammate because I haven’t really mentioned them on my blogs.
So I’m dedicating this whole blog to my team, and to people who I which were on my team… So basically I’m just going to mention them… haha
Ok so lets start:
The first one I met is:
Chad Houseman, he is pretty much the coolest person ever. He is just uberly hyper, and pretty much gets along with everything that moves and breathes.
Then we have Rob Juarez, who up until today I hadn’t really talked to. He is pretty cool as well. He is a totally smart guy.
Then we have Willie Chase, who is probably the coolest person in the world, but he does not realize that he is yet. He is smart, has an awesome Spanish accent, and is a loud human being.
And finally we have Andrea Nakhla who I have not gotten the pleasure to talk as much as the guys, but the couple of conversations we’ve had had been pleasant. We share a common taste in music, which is good.
We also have Colleen Dougherty who isn’t technically on the Mexico Tour but she basically owns our hearts and souls. She has to be the best assistant of the world. She has it covered.
Ok so that’s my team…
Haha
Horrible teammate.
So today I helped translate the movie we are going to show while touring. It seriously took me 30 minutes to translate a 5:30 minute video. Which I did not realize was in English until half way through it. I was reading the subtitles and they made total sense, I realized they did because they were in English. That’s when you know you have way to much on your brain when you do not know what language you are reading, but you still comprehend it.
Kelly left me. Just in case she reads this she should know that I don’t like her right now, but I appreciate her sharing her pasta with me tonight.
We made a bit to much pasta by the way, like two containers too much.
I think I might be done. I am rambling, and I am kind of tired.
Just remember… Mexico kicks ass….
It makes me weird because I share a corner with all of them (no we aren’t prostitutes, we just have our desks there), and I will live in a van with them for the next couple of months.
I’m a horrible teammate because I haven’t really mentioned them on my blogs.
So I’m dedicating this whole blog to my team, and to people who I which were on my team… So basically I’m just going to mention them… haha
Ok so lets start:
The first one I met is:
Chad Houseman, he is pretty much the coolest person ever. He is just uberly hyper, and pretty much gets along with everything that moves and breathes.
Then we have Rob Juarez, who up until today I hadn’t really talked to. He is pretty cool as well. He is a totally smart guy.
Then we have Willie Chase, who is probably the coolest person in the world, but he does not realize that he is yet. He is smart, has an awesome Spanish accent, and is a loud human being.
And finally we have Andrea Nakhla who I have not gotten the pleasure to talk as much as the guys, but the couple of conversations we’ve had had been pleasant. We share a common taste in music, which is good.
We also have Colleen Dougherty who isn’t technically on the Mexico Tour but she basically owns our hearts and souls. She has to be the best assistant of the world. She has it covered.
Ok so that’s my team…
Haha
Horrible teammate.
So today I helped translate the movie we are going to show while touring. It seriously took me 30 minutes to translate a 5:30 minute video. Which I did not realize was in English until half way through it. I was reading the subtitles and they made total sense, I realized they did because they were in English. That’s when you know you have way to much on your brain when you do not know what language you are reading, but you still comprehend it.
Kelly left me. Just in case she reads this she should know that I don’t like her right now, but I appreciate her sharing her pasta with me tonight.
We made a bit to much pasta by the way, like two containers too much.
I think I might be done. I am rambling, and I am kind of tired.
Just remember… Mexico kicks ass….
Sunday, January 18, 2009
First Weekend in Sandy Eggo
It’s been an interesting weekend.
We went to work on Friday, and were let go early so we could participate in a picture scavenger hunt.
The rules were as follows:
1) You had to stay with your team.
2) After staying with your team. You had to find other complete teams, and come together to complete a group of 15.
3) The Mexico team and two others got together. (I have no clue what teams they were. I know the people I just don’t know what region they have.)
4) We went to take a couple of pictures in different parts of San Diego.
After that, the Mexico team went to have dinner. We went to some Japanese restaurant. It was delicious. We talk. Shared food. Acted like a team. Etc.
Got home (the villa) and I went to sleep, because I am tired and I am an old lady inside.
Saturday.
I woke up kind of early. I showered. Ate breakfast. You know, the average stuff.
I was reading in the garage, and was in the midst of a couple of girls talking about going to get their nose pierced. I told them that they should do it, cos I’m supportive like that.
I saw Kelly and Shannon walk by the garage door so I got up and followed them (mostly because they are my favorites)
They invited me to go to some stores. I decided to go. We went to Mission Beach.
Sabrina went as well. She is awesome! She is my bed neighbor.
We walked around some stores. We went to stick our feet in the water (it was freezing.)
We got lost on our way back, but while Shannon and Sabrina were freaking out on the front sit. Kelly and I started talking, and found out we had a little too much in common.
We got to the villa. Shannon and Kelly left for their team dinner. I sat and bothered other nice people. I read a couple of more chapters from my book.
Shannon and Kelly came back. Kelly and I stayed out in the balcony for a while before I went to sleep.
Sunday.
I went to OB today. Lisa (one of our Regional Managers) goes there every Sunday to have a cook out with a couple of the local homeless people.
It was amazing.
I respect her so much. I mean she works for IC, which I already respected her for. It was just seeing her today though she had a personal relationship with almost every person on that beach. I think it’s beautiful to see so much beauty coming out of one single person.
So I went there. I saw an awesome homeless guy singing songs. He had a pretty good voice.
I then went to Nico’s and had a “burrito.” I came back to the Villa. I decided to ditch the concert for several reasons. Kelly and I went to Vons to get some groceries. I was an interesting experience coming back to the villa. Lets just say I lost some sensation on my hands for a couple of minutes.
It was a good weekend. Tomorrow is back to work. I am looking forward to it.
It was a good to be able to rest for a little while.
I’m looking forward to Mexico, with both anxiety and excitement. I’ve been reading up on all the things that have been going on in Mexico lately, and part of me is dying to go just to assure myself that not all of Mexico is like that. I want to see it first hand that Mexico has hope. I am, after all, a Mexican.
I feel like I’ve been in San Diego for more than a week. I feel like I’ve been here for at least two weeks. I think I feel like this because I have never done anything as useful all my life. I feel like I’ve been studying Uganda’s history all my life. I feel like I’ve known these people for months now. I like that. I like that people like Kelly, Shannon, Sabrina, and Mallory have me figured out. Today, Kelly was talking to one of her friends on the phone, and I was sitting at the kitchen table and Kelly told her friend that she couldn’t say something at that precise moment. I think her friend probably asked who she was with, and Kelly said that she was only with me, that she wasn’t worried about me hearing what she was going to say that she was worried somebody else might walk into the room and would get insulted. Then she said something along the lines of me not being capable of ever getting insulted. Which I thought was hilarious, and a complete compliment.
Anyways after that lovely compliment, and me shinning like the bright star that I am. Kelly and I (I know you probably hate Kelly already, you shouldn’t she is awesome. Don’t tell her though) went to Vons cos I needed to buy some food. So we walked to Vons, which is kind of far away. I loaded the cart with things I needed, and realized after I payed that I was going to have to carry them back. It was unfortunate. I did buy enough food to last me the next two weeks.
Right now I am in the process of finishing doing laundry (which by the way Kelly participated in as well… hahaha… next blog I promise to find another character as well. Kelly will probably take place in it as well) So I decided to write a blog, which I know have a feeling is a bit to long.
Anyways,
I love you mother,
I love you father,
I love you sister,
And
I love you whoever else might be reading this.
We went to work on Friday, and were let go early so we could participate in a picture scavenger hunt.
The rules were as follows:
1) You had to stay with your team.
2) After staying with your team. You had to find other complete teams, and come together to complete a group of 15.
3) The Mexico team and two others got together. (I have no clue what teams they were. I know the people I just don’t know what region they have.)
4) We went to take a couple of pictures in different parts of San Diego.
After that, the Mexico team went to have dinner. We went to some Japanese restaurant. It was delicious. We talk. Shared food. Acted like a team. Etc.
Got home (the villa) and I went to sleep, because I am tired and I am an old lady inside.
Saturday.
I woke up kind of early. I showered. Ate breakfast. You know, the average stuff.
I was reading in the garage, and was in the midst of a couple of girls talking about going to get their nose pierced. I told them that they should do it, cos I’m supportive like that.
I saw Kelly and Shannon walk by the garage door so I got up and followed them (mostly because they are my favorites)
They invited me to go to some stores. I decided to go. We went to Mission Beach.
Sabrina went as well. She is awesome! She is my bed neighbor.
We walked around some stores. We went to stick our feet in the water (it was freezing.)
We got lost on our way back, but while Shannon and Sabrina were freaking out on the front sit. Kelly and I started talking, and found out we had a little too much in common.
We got to the villa. Shannon and Kelly left for their team dinner. I sat and bothered other nice people. I read a couple of more chapters from my book.
Shannon and Kelly came back. Kelly and I stayed out in the balcony for a while before I went to sleep.
Sunday.
I went to OB today. Lisa (one of our Regional Managers) goes there every Sunday to have a cook out with a couple of the local homeless people.
It was amazing.
I respect her so much. I mean she works for IC, which I already respected her for. It was just seeing her today though she had a personal relationship with almost every person on that beach. I think it’s beautiful to see so much beauty coming out of one single person.
So I went there. I saw an awesome homeless guy singing songs. He had a pretty good voice.
I then went to Nico’s and had a “burrito.” I came back to the Villa. I decided to ditch the concert for several reasons. Kelly and I went to Vons to get some groceries. I was an interesting experience coming back to the villa. Lets just say I lost some sensation on my hands for a couple of minutes.
It was a good weekend. Tomorrow is back to work. I am looking forward to it.
It was a good to be able to rest for a little while.
I’m looking forward to Mexico, with both anxiety and excitement. I’ve been reading up on all the things that have been going on in Mexico lately, and part of me is dying to go just to assure myself that not all of Mexico is like that. I want to see it first hand that Mexico has hope. I am, after all, a Mexican.
I feel like I’ve been in San Diego for more than a week. I feel like I’ve been here for at least two weeks. I think I feel like this because I have never done anything as useful all my life. I feel like I’ve been studying Uganda’s history all my life. I feel like I’ve known these people for months now. I like that. I like that people like Kelly, Shannon, Sabrina, and Mallory have me figured out. Today, Kelly was talking to one of her friends on the phone, and I was sitting at the kitchen table and Kelly told her friend that she couldn’t say something at that precise moment. I think her friend probably asked who she was with, and Kelly said that she was only with me, that she wasn’t worried about me hearing what she was going to say that she was worried somebody else might walk into the room and would get insulted. Then she said something along the lines of me not being capable of ever getting insulted. Which I thought was hilarious, and a complete compliment.
Anyways after that lovely compliment, and me shinning like the bright star that I am. Kelly and I (I know you probably hate Kelly already, you shouldn’t she is awesome. Don’t tell her though) went to Vons cos I needed to buy some food. So we walked to Vons, which is kind of far away. I loaded the cart with things I needed, and realized after I payed that I was going to have to carry them back. It was unfortunate. I did buy enough food to last me the next two weeks.
Right now I am in the process of finishing doing laundry (which by the way Kelly participated in as well… hahaha… next blog I promise to find another character as well. Kelly will probably take place in it as well) So I decided to write a blog, which I know have a feeling is a bit to long.
Anyways,
I love you mother,
I love you father,
I love you sister,
And
I love you whoever else might be reading this.
Friday, January 16, 2009
This week is finally over
First week of training is over, and I am completely drained.
I have been running in less than 5 hours of sleep a day (that doesn’t sound as bad as it feels.)
I love it though, every single aspect of it.
I love not being completely aware of where it is I am going yet.
I love not being able to run and hide. I live in a house with 44 other people.
I love that within these walls I have met people that I feel like I’ve known for a couple of months.
So here are a couple of things I’ve done this week that have really stood out.
1) We got a lesson on life by Jason. Who, by the way, is the most incredible person. ever.
2) I got to eat with the entire Mexico team. Woot woot Mexico!
3) I have has some crazy awesome conversations with this girl named Mallory. She pretty much kicks ass at life, and everything to do with it.
4) I have made so much of fun of Kelly and Shannon. Pretty much in a way that should either be illegal or documented for the world to learn.
5) I have heard the first bit of mouth trashing other people (I hope this doesn’t end bad)
6) I was questioned, and responded in Spanish. Which ended up in a loud response of applause, because it wasn’t expected.
7) Gabe’s mom brought all the roadies food. Not exactly sure what it was, but by God was it delicious.
8) Have a new appreciation for food.
9) Have become extremely budgeted. I am scared of running out of money.
10) Have gotten in fights with people from El Paso. Weird.
11) Took a quiz.
12) Watched Scrubs. Oh yes I fit it in.
13) Talked to my lovely father for a couple of minutes today. He is awesome.
14) Talk to my sister. She’s pretty.
15) Took some pictures with another two teams.
16) Translated a couple of emails for some of my teammates.
17) I like Kelly Baker. Just a random fact that I thought everybody should know.
I love this city it’s amazing.
I’m kind of falling asleep while I am typing this. So I’m going to go.
Good night lovelies.
Besos
I have been running in less than 5 hours of sleep a day (that doesn’t sound as bad as it feels.)
I love it though, every single aspect of it.
I love not being completely aware of where it is I am going yet.
I love not being able to run and hide. I live in a house with 44 other people.
I love that within these walls I have met people that I feel like I’ve known for a couple of months.
So here are a couple of things I’ve done this week that have really stood out.
1) We got a lesson on life by Jason. Who, by the way, is the most incredible person. ever.
2) I got to eat with the entire Mexico team. Woot woot Mexico!
3) I have has some crazy awesome conversations with this girl named Mallory. She pretty much kicks ass at life, and everything to do with it.
4) I have made so much of fun of Kelly and Shannon. Pretty much in a way that should either be illegal or documented for the world to learn.
5) I have heard the first bit of mouth trashing other people (I hope this doesn’t end bad)
6) I was questioned, and responded in Spanish. Which ended up in a loud response of applause, because it wasn’t expected.
7) Gabe’s mom brought all the roadies food. Not exactly sure what it was, but by God was it delicious.
8) Have a new appreciation for food.
9) Have become extremely budgeted. I am scared of running out of money.
10) Have gotten in fights with people from El Paso. Weird.
11) Took a quiz.
12) Watched Scrubs. Oh yes I fit it in.
13) Talked to my lovely father for a couple of minutes today. He is awesome.
14) Talk to my sister. She’s pretty.
15) Took some pictures with another two teams.
16) Translated a couple of emails for some of my teammates.
17) I like Kelly Baker. Just a random fact that I thought everybody should know.
I love this city it’s amazing.
I’m kind of falling asleep while I am typing this. So I’m going to go.
Good night lovelies.
Besos
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Training is what's up!
Today was the first day of training.
It was intense.
Amazing though, African history totally blows Mexican and American history off the radar. Like we have so much back stabbing in African history that it makes all the soap operas seem like crap (although technically they all are.)
Ok so here is what I did all through the day:
1) Woke up at 5 45 am. For no reason I just did, and could not go back to sleep so I snag the shower before anyone else could.
2) Ate some delicious cereal I bought at Vons.
3) Drank coffee, and sat looking at the sky from the awesome balcony expecting to see the sun rise until I realized I was looking west so it didn’t work out for me…
4) Prepared my backpack for work.
5) Snagged a ride on a van driven by pretty much the best female driver in the world.
6) Sat next to Kelly who in 10 minutes became my favorite person in the world.
7) Got to work. Sadly got separated from Kelly in order to go on a tour of the office with out RM’s.
8) Went to look at our desks. I share it with this totally awesome girl named Colleen. She is the Mexico Regional Assistant.
9) Took a minute to look at our awesome binders.
10) Went to a staff meeting where I found Kelly, and we became best friends again.
11) Took a 15 min break. Kelly and I went to the restroom.
12) The staff was introduced
13) Lunch. Willie, Kelly, and I went to buy caffeine.
14) Went back to the conference room to have a quick expectations meeting.
15) Took a break. Kelly and I and about other 8 girls went to the restroom.
16) Went back and started getting the history of the war.
17) Took a break.
18) Went back to get the second part of the history of the war.
19) Took a break. I ate goldfish crackers. Had a thought on why the fish were so happy.
20) Went back and had a brief history of how IC started.
21) Packed up, and headed for the vans.
22) Got to sit next to my girl teammate (Andrea) had our first actual conversation. I liked her already then she told me she like Tegan and Sara, and that “like” turned into “love.”
23) Got home. Called the parentals. Told them what I did. We bonded for a while.
24) Got inside changed into pjs.
25) Went downstairs to a house meeting.
26) Came to the room, and talked to my roommates about random things.
27) And now this.
Yesterday was pretty amazing as well.
We went to a theater where we met Jason, and Bobby (two of the filmmakers.) We heard a girl named Achi Nancy, one of the first girls from Northern Uganda to come to the US on a full scholarship, speak.
We then saw a film called “Man on Wire” if you have not seen this film go out right now and rent it.
We then came home. Mexico though was still missing on of its team members. So as we awesome Mexicans do (actually there are only 2 of us) went and picked up our last teammate to arrive.
So the Mexico tour was united. We all pretty much kick ass. Like seriously.
We are all different, but in the 5 different ways of cool.
Anyways. I am trying to keep you posted. This has been an amazing experience already, and I am barely getting started.
I send my love to all you El Pasoans.
It was intense.
Amazing though, African history totally blows Mexican and American history off the radar. Like we have so much back stabbing in African history that it makes all the soap operas seem like crap (although technically they all are.)
Ok so here is what I did all through the day:
1) Woke up at 5 45 am. For no reason I just did, and could not go back to sleep so I snag the shower before anyone else could.
2) Ate some delicious cereal I bought at Vons.
3) Drank coffee, and sat looking at the sky from the awesome balcony expecting to see the sun rise until I realized I was looking west so it didn’t work out for me…
4) Prepared my backpack for work.
5) Snagged a ride on a van driven by pretty much the best female driver in the world.
6) Sat next to Kelly who in 10 minutes became my favorite person in the world.
7) Got to work. Sadly got separated from Kelly in order to go on a tour of the office with out RM’s.
8) Went to look at our desks. I share it with this totally awesome girl named Colleen. She is the Mexico Regional Assistant.
9) Took a minute to look at our awesome binders.
10) Went to a staff meeting where I found Kelly, and we became best friends again.
11) Took a 15 min break. Kelly and I went to the restroom.
12) The staff was introduced
13) Lunch. Willie, Kelly, and I went to buy caffeine.
14) Went back to the conference room to have a quick expectations meeting.
15) Took a break. Kelly and I and about other 8 girls went to the restroom.
16) Went back and started getting the history of the war.
17) Took a break.
18) Went back to get the second part of the history of the war.
19) Took a break. I ate goldfish crackers. Had a thought on why the fish were so happy.
20) Went back and had a brief history of how IC started.
21) Packed up, and headed for the vans.
22) Got to sit next to my girl teammate (Andrea) had our first actual conversation. I liked her already then she told me she like Tegan and Sara, and that “like” turned into “love.”
23) Got home. Called the parentals. Told them what I did. We bonded for a while.
24) Got inside changed into pjs.
25) Went downstairs to a house meeting.
26) Came to the room, and talked to my roommates about random things.
27) And now this.
Yesterday was pretty amazing as well.
We went to a theater where we met Jason, and Bobby (two of the filmmakers.) We heard a girl named Achi Nancy, one of the first girls from Northern Uganda to come to the US on a full scholarship, speak.
We then saw a film called “Man on Wire” if you have not seen this film go out right now and rent it.
We then came home. Mexico though was still missing on of its team members. So as we awesome Mexicans do (actually there are only 2 of us) went and picked up our last teammate to arrive.
So the Mexico tour was united. We all pretty much kick ass. Like seriously.
We are all different, but in the 5 different ways of cool.
Anyways. I am trying to keep you posted. This has been an amazing experience already, and I am barely getting started.
I send my love to all you El Pasoans.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Roadie Adventures- Days 2
So I promised I would do this.
For those of you who don’t know I recently moved to San Diego to work for a non-profit called Invisible Children. I am a roadie. What that initials is traveling from city to city talking about the situation in Northern Uganda. There are about 60 of us who are doing this. We all get put into separate regions, and got to cities within that region. IC is going international for the first time this semester, and of course I got put into an international team. My amazing team is going to Mexico.
So this is what I’ve done thus far that I have never done before:
1) I traveled U.S. Airways.
2) I drove in a big black van with “Invisible Children” written on it.
3) I had people who did not know me wait for me at the airport with unbelievable enthusiasm.
4) I got into a van with 3 complete strangers, and never experienced a moment of awkwardness.
5) I got into a car with 4 complete strangers, and felt a little bit of awkwardness but was quickly changed into just plain awesome conversation.
6) I went to two different Targets in one day.
7) Went to Vons (cool super market)
8) I freaked out about how expensive food is here in California.
9) I got a Vons card.
10) I slept in a room with 3 other girls.
11) I will sleep tonight in a room with 5 other girls.
12) I can’t remember names. I’m usually amazing at names.
13) I’m living in a house with another 45 people. Which one of the assistants described as “Not one of the most legal things to do” I thought it was hilarious.
It’s been an incredible experience already, and this is barely my second day. I am excited to meet all the rest of the roadies who still have to come in. I still need to meet some who are already here.
I will keep you all updated.
I love and miss most of you…
Hehe
Zari
For those of you who don’t know I recently moved to San Diego to work for a non-profit called Invisible Children. I am a roadie. What that initials is traveling from city to city talking about the situation in Northern Uganda. There are about 60 of us who are doing this. We all get put into separate regions, and got to cities within that region. IC is going international for the first time this semester, and of course I got put into an international team. My amazing team is going to Mexico.
So this is what I’ve done thus far that I have never done before:
1) I traveled U.S. Airways.
2) I drove in a big black van with “Invisible Children” written on it.
3) I had people who did not know me wait for me at the airport with unbelievable enthusiasm.
4) I got into a van with 3 complete strangers, and never experienced a moment of awkwardness.
5) I got into a car with 4 complete strangers, and felt a little bit of awkwardness but was quickly changed into just plain awesome conversation.
6) I went to two different Targets in one day.
7) Went to Vons (cool super market)
8) I freaked out about how expensive food is here in California.
9) I got a Vons card.
10) I slept in a room with 3 other girls.
11) I will sleep tonight in a room with 5 other girls.
12) I can’t remember names. I’m usually amazing at names.
13) I’m living in a house with another 45 people. Which one of the assistants described as “Not one of the most legal things to do” I thought it was hilarious.
It’s been an incredible experience already, and this is barely my second day. I am excited to meet all the rest of the roadies who still have to come in. I still need to meet some who are already here.
I will keep you all updated.
I love and miss most of you…
Hehe
Zari
Thursday, November 6, 2008
It's time
So it has been a good week.
For starters my friend Barack got elected…woot woot…
For some reason the people that surround me have not stopped and taken the time to grasp the beauty of it.
This event will go down in history.
The youth of America finally spoke up. The first black president was elected. Hope for this country has been restored.
Now, I know Obama doesn’t have the experience, and he will probably not do all the things he has set up to do. But there is just something about him that just makes me feel that he should be there. That he will bring something to this country that will help us out.
Now I’m from El Paso. I don’t know if it’s the people I hang out with or just El Paso in general, but holly crap I hear the things they say and it makes me doubt that we are in fact in the 21st century.
They are ridiculously close-minded. I have heard so many racist jokes. It makes me sad. It makes me sad when I see a 13 year-old boy make a racist comment and watch as the mother laughs and pretends he is the funniest kid in the world. What makes me even sadder is the fact that almost all the racist comments (if not all of them) have come from a Mexican.
Now as a Mexican (and one who is fucking proud of it) it pisses me off. It pisses me off to see that because of stupid remarks made by few our whole culture is affected. But what can I do? Mexicans are proud people you can’t change us.
Another thing that amazes me is the close-mindedness of people. It’s kind of funny though, because I was raced (and continued to be raced) in a conservative household. My parents are both Christians, and both of them are pretty “christiany” in the way they live their lives and the ways they think other people should live theirs.
I love and admire my parents more than anything in the world, and I think that they did an amazing job raising my sister and I. It’s kind of hilarious though because my sister is one of those people that don’t really care about politics or anything going on in the U.S. (she voted though, I’m proud of her) and I on the other hand turned into some liberal junkie… oops! Two things that my dad dislikes: Apathy and Liberals.
Something that has been bothering me though is the fact that there are people my age who stand against human rights. I can understand older people being bitchy about it. But for the life of me I can’t understand how people my age can do it. I don’t know if anyone followed this (especially since most of the people I know are from Texas) but Proposition 8 passed in California. It bothered me so much, because if there is anything that I believe is wrong is a law not allowing people to love who they wish to love.
You know what it is not an issue about whether it is right or wrong, it’s an issue about human rights.
I find it incredible that people protest this. In all seriousness how does it affect you? It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. I was listening to NPR, which I really should stop it, it has become like a drug. It is my barer of good and unfortunately bad news.
Anyways, I thought I owed that to my fellow Californians to which I felt sympathy for.
On the up side Proposition 2 passed. Chickens get bigger houses. We don’t want our chickens to be sad before they get eaten.
Anyways enough about California! I don’t live there!
Ok anyways I’m tired.
Goodnight,
And remember:
When I was eighteen and nineteen years old writing songs, I really did believe that whatever experience I was having was, like, more special than any other person's love experience since the beginning of time- Sara Quin
For starters my friend Barack got elected…woot woot…
For some reason the people that surround me have not stopped and taken the time to grasp the beauty of it.
This event will go down in history.
The youth of America finally spoke up. The first black president was elected. Hope for this country has been restored.
Now, I know Obama doesn’t have the experience, and he will probably not do all the things he has set up to do. But there is just something about him that just makes me feel that he should be there. That he will bring something to this country that will help us out.
Now I’m from El Paso. I don’t know if it’s the people I hang out with or just El Paso in general, but holly crap I hear the things they say and it makes me doubt that we are in fact in the 21st century.
They are ridiculously close-minded. I have heard so many racist jokes. It makes me sad. It makes me sad when I see a 13 year-old boy make a racist comment and watch as the mother laughs and pretends he is the funniest kid in the world. What makes me even sadder is the fact that almost all the racist comments (if not all of them) have come from a Mexican.
Now as a Mexican (and one who is fucking proud of it) it pisses me off. It pisses me off to see that because of stupid remarks made by few our whole culture is affected. But what can I do? Mexicans are proud people you can’t change us.
Another thing that amazes me is the close-mindedness of people. It’s kind of funny though, because I was raced (and continued to be raced) in a conservative household. My parents are both Christians, and both of them are pretty “christiany” in the way they live their lives and the ways they think other people should live theirs.
I love and admire my parents more than anything in the world, and I think that they did an amazing job raising my sister and I. It’s kind of hilarious though because my sister is one of those people that don’t really care about politics or anything going on in the U.S. (she voted though, I’m proud of her) and I on the other hand turned into some liberal junkie… oops! Two things that my dad dislikes: Apathy and Liberals.
Something that has been bothering me though is the fact that there are people my age who stand against human rights. I can understand older people being bitchy about it. But for the life of me I can’t understand how people my age can do it. I don’t know if anyone followed this (especially since most of the people I know are from Texas) but Proposition 8 passed in California. It bothered me so much, because if there is anything that I believe is wrong is a law not allowing people to love who they wish to love.
You know what it is not an issue about whether it is right or wrong, it’s an issue about human rights.
I find it incredible that people protest this. In all seriousness how does it affect you? It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. I was listening to NPR, which I really should stop it, it has become like a drug. It is my barer of good and unfortunately bad news.
Anyways, I thought I owed that to my fellow Californians to which I felt sympathy for.
On the up side Proposition 2 passed. Chickens get bigger houses. We don’t want our chickens to be sad before they get eaten.
Anyways enough about California! I don’t live there!
Ok anyways I’m tired.
Goodnight,
And remember:
When I was eighteen and nineteen years old writing songs, I really did believe that whatever experience I was having was, like, more special than any other person's love experience since the beginning of time- Sara Quin
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
giant turtle rider
I leave tomorrow.
I know. I know. Be sad El Paso be very sad. I come back on Monday, so rejoice with that thought.
I have a test in like 45 minutes, and I have no desire to look at my notes one last time. I've done nothing but read for this stupid class during the last week. I figure that if I don't pass this test it's because I read the wrong book. Which I didn't, I think.
So I've pulled a couple of smart things during the week:
1) A crazy semi-trailer almost ran me over on the free way yesterday. I didn't honk. I didn't brake. I instead resulted to the art known as screaming with fear. I kid you not, after I did it I laughed, because one it's probably the girliest thing I've done all my life, and two under no circumstances would my scream have had an effect on said truck driver noticing he was going to run me over. Awesomely enough though he didn't. I'm not aware of how he didn't, but I'm glad he didn't.
2) I was about buy a CD yesterday, but instead checked if a friend would send it to me, he told me he had already. I checked he had. Downloaded it, later to find out in was already in my music library on Itunes.
3) I've also been having weird dreams:
I had one were I was at ACL already and I was taking pictures, and my camera was like the best camera ever. I could see everything. Also it turned out ACL was in my backyard. I woke up confused, but confused but checked to see if my camera had indeed changed during the course of the dream. It didn't.
I also had this one weird ass dream were there was a little turtle inside my house, and my dogs were attacking it and I kept yelling at my dad to get out the little turtle (it was super cute) while I was holding my Great Dane, Jack Russell and Chihuahua back. My dad grabbed what looked like a spatula and got the little turtle with it, and threw it out the front door. I let go of all my dogs and when to see through the front window to see if the little turtle was fine. The turtle was running away but as it was leaving it was like gradually growing, and I called my dad and we both just looked at the turtle and then at each other. My dream continued to later have the turtle grow so much it was like El Paso's Godzilla. Then the Blue Beetle (yes I said the Blue Beetle) came to my house and talked to us about the turtle to see if it had been exposed to some weird chemical, and my dad pointed at me and was like she was the one who wanted it alive. So the blue beetle took me to the desert and left me there. Later the turtle (which was ridiculously big) went to the desert for me and I became like El Paso's villain.
I'm guessing I shouldn't read comic books before taking a nap.
Ok I'm out I have to go take a test.
I know. I know. Be sad El Paso be very sad. I come back on Monday, so rejoice with that thought.
I have a test in like 45 minutes, and I have no desire to look at my notes one last time. I've done nothing but read for this stupid class during the last week. I figure that if I don't pass this test it's because I read the wrong book. Which I didn't, I think.
So I've pulled a couple of smart things during the week:
1) A crazy semi-trailer almost ran me over on the free way yesterday. I didn't honk. I didn't brake. I instead resulted to the art known as screaming with fear. I kid you not, after I did it I laughed, because one it's probably the girliest thing I've done all my life, and two under no circumstances would my scream have had an effect on said truck driver noticing he was going to run me over. Awesomely enough though he didn't. I'm not aware of how he didn't, but I'm glad he didn't.
2) I was about buy a CD yesterday, but instead checked if a friend would send it to me, he told me he had already. I checked he had. Downloaded it, later to find out in was already in my music library on Itunes.
3) I've also been having weird dreams:
I had one were I was at ACL already and I was taking pictures, and my camera was like the best camera ever. I could see everything. Also it turned out ACL was in my backyard. I woke up confused, but confused but checked to see if my camera had indeed changed during the course of the dream. It didn't.
I also had this one weird ass dream were there was a little turtle inside my house, and my dogs were attacking it and I kept yelling at my dad to get out the little turtle (it was super cute) while I was holding my Great Dane, Jack Russell and Chihuahua back. My dad grabbed what looked like a spatula and got the little turtle with it, and threw it out the front door. I let go of all my dogs and when to see through the front window to see if the little turtle was fine. The turtle was running away but as it was leaving it was like gradually growing, and I called my dad and we both just looked at the turtle and then at each other. My dream continued to later have the turtle grow so much it was like El Paso's Godzilla. Then the Blue Beetle (yes I said the Blue Beetle) came to my house and talked to us about the turtle to see if it had been exposed to some weird chemical, and my dad pointed at me and was like she was the one who wanted it alive. So the blue beetle took me to the desert and left me there. Later the turtle (which was ridiculously big) went to the desert for me and I became like El Paso's villain.
I'm guessing I shouldn't read comic books before taking a nap.
Ok I'm out I have to go take a test.
Monday, September 15, 2008
I just need a second
I hate when I think it's going to take me a really long time to do something, and then it actually only takes me like 30 minutes. So I have a French test tomorrow (Bonjour! Je m'appelle Zarina) and I told myself it was going to take me all the time I have in between classes to put my notes on note card (yeah I'm trying the note card technique now. Judge me if you must) so I left all my other homework at home cuz I didn't want to get a hernia. Now I'm frenched out, and have nothing to do until 12 30 and then I have free from 1 20 till 3. God I suck at making schedules! Next semester I'm having someone else do it for me. It seriously makes sense when I'm making it, but right now as I'm sitting here at the library (4th floor, naked lady cartoon desk) it seems stupid and I curse the me from last may.
It's ok though! Now I get to write useless babbles and have like 2 or 3 of you read them while you are probably waiting for your next class or are at work bored or you might just be one of you is weird one who actually enjoy my blogs (I send kisses your way.)
So there are a few things I'm excited about:
1) Austin City Limits (duh!) not only am I ridiculously excited for the music, but I'm excited to see my sister. I miss her. She's cool.
2) I'm also kind of excited to see where my political science class is going. I know. I don't want to be a lawyer, but I like the readings a lot.
3) My dad is doing super well in his business and I am excited to see what happens in his future.
There are others but those are the main three.
Also I was excited for the new T&S video, (came out today) which was kind of awesome! I think I finally have some sort of idea of what I want to do with my life. I know it's something revolving around music, either radio or a music magazine. What really interests me is music on movies or TV shows. I don't know what it is they study, but I think that would be cool. For right now communications does seem like the correct path. Its kind of cool, because it's the first time an introduction class assures me that I might want to do that. I like my teacher also I feel like he is easy to talk to. Always good.
I read Socrates' Apology by Plato yesterday. I liked it a lot. Socrates was a genius. There was a part in the book where he was saying that he was the wisest man alive because he knows he is not wise. Or something like that. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was high on cold medicine though because now that I'm thinking about it, it doesn't seem as cool as yesterday.
Anyways it made me happy because I found something my sister had mentioned a few days before about how "the unexamined life is not worth living" and just seeing it in the context of the book was amazing. I kind of smile really big at barns and noble (which was so full yesterday because of the long weekend there is in Mexico! Viva Mexico!) I'm pretty much sure that people at barns and noble think I have no life, because I'm always there. Little do they know I went to the opera on Saturday, oh yes I did. It was fun it was kind of a twisted story. I liked it. The singing was amazing the acting on the other hand could have used other actors (mahahahaha…just kidding) the acting was not good, but I was on the last row (literally 3rd balcony row F) so I couldn't see the faces the body movements were enough.
I also watched An American Crime. I wish I hadn't though. It's a good movie, but it's a little to strong. It left me scarred for life. I watched Smart People that wasn't as good as I had anticipated.
I could keep going, but I won't. Go study!
watch this:
It's ok though! Now I get to write useless babbles and have like 2 or 3 of you read them while you are probably waiting for your next class or are at work bored or you might just be one of you is weird one who actually enjoy my blogs (I send kisses your way.)
So there are a few things I'm excited about:
1) Austin City Limits (duh!) not only am I ridiculously excited for the music, but I'm excited to see my sister. I miss her. She's cool.
2) I'm also kind of excited to see where my political science class is going. I know. I don't want to be a lawyer, but I like the readings a lot.
3) My dad is doing super well in his business and I am excited to see what happens in his future.
There are others but those are the main three.
Also I was excited for the new T&S video, (came out today) which was kind of awesome! I think I finally have some sort of idea of what I want to do with my life. I know it's something revolving around music, either radio or a music magazine. What really interests me is music on movies or TV shows. I don't know what it is they study, but I think that would be cool. For right now communications does seem like the correct path. Its kind of cool, because it's the first time an introduction class assures me that I might want to do that. I like my teacher also I feel like he is easy to talk to. Always good.
I read Socrates' Apology by Plato yesterday. I liked it a lot. Socrates was a genius. There was a part in the book where he was saying that he was the wisest man alive because he knows he is not wise. Or something like that. I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I was high on cold medicine though because now that I'm thinking about it, it doesn't seem as cool as yesterday.
Anyways it made me happy because I found something my sister had mentioned a few days before about how "the unexamined life is not worth living" and just seeing it in the context of the book was amazing. I kind of smile really big at barns and noble (which was so full yesterday because of the long weekend there is in Mexico! Viva Mexico!) I'm pretty much sure that people at barns and noble think I have no life, because I'm always there. Little do they know I went to the opera on Saturday, oh yes I did. It was fun it was kind of a twisted story. I liked it. The singing was amazing the acting on the other hand could have used other actors (mahahahaha…just kidding) the acting was not good, but I was on the last row (literally 3rd balcony row F) so I couldn't see the faces the body movements were enough.
I also watched An American Crime. I wish I hadn't though. It's a good movie, but it's a little to strong. It left me scarred for life. I watched Smart People that wasn't as good as I had anticipated.
I could keep going, but I won't. Go study!
watch this:
Friday, September 12, 2008
Realizing What Ive Known All Along
I started having panic attacks again. Most of them occur while I'm in my car. I love my car, but lately every time I set foot in it my heart skips a beat. It's the kind of skip that makes you feel faint, and not in the beautiful "I'm in love" sort of way. But it the way that you feel doomed.
I feel like there are no solutions.
I feel like that I am the wrong person.
I feel that I might have been born in the wrong place.
I try to be the person I want to be, but every time I start to something gets in my way. I've slowly started to give up. I'm nineteen for god sakes. How many problems can I have? Truth be told they are not life and death problems. I like to calm myself by thinking that many of you are going through the same thing. I'm not sure how many of you have to scream in your car in order to calm yourself down, or how many of you spend a lot of time asking yourself why things are the way they are. I hope not many of you do, because honestly it's a waste of time.
I've come to realize that I let things that shouldn't really matter get to me.
I hate the fact that people who don't know me hate me. Honestly I wouldn't care if they were just a random person in one of my classes that hated the fact that I asked a question. It bothers me though that people who are friends with my friends hate me. It bothers me because someone I care deeply for is being the receiver to these messages (yeah I'm taking speech) It scares me to think that my friends are friends with that kind of people which then interconnects to the fact that if they are friends it's because they have things in common. What if eventually they get persuaded to start thinking the way their friends do.
Side note: Let me make one thing clear. Quiet does not equal Hate. I am a quiet person. I can honestly say that I don't hate anyone. I might not care for you, but I don't hate you.
I told my mom a couple of months ago that I would get nervous all the time. My mom being my mom of course wanted to take me to the doctor. I honestly got more freaked out about that than anything else. What if they had to medicate me? No scratch that. They would medicate me. I don't want to be a pill popping nineteen year old.
Now here is what pisses me off the most.
My life is perfect. I seriously could not ask for more.
I have parents who love each other so much its ridiculous.
I have the coolest sister in the world.
We are economically stable.
We get along so well.
We're like the fucking Brady Bunch. We have the crazy maid and all.
How fucked up is it, that outside of me everything is perfect but somehow inside its freaking torture?
I don't want to go to a psychologist because I feel like if I do the only solution they can give is drugs. I don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm fine. I want to actually be fine.
I know this blog is like a whole lot of rambling and a whole lot of crazy.
But bear with me.
I want to say this. All of you who don't like, and I know you know I know who you are what you think of me does bothers me, so you win. Congratulations.
I need help.
I feel like there are no solutions.
I feel like that I am the wrong person.
I feel that I might have been born in the wrong place.
I try to be the person I want to be, but every time I start to something gets in my way. I've slowly started to give up. I'm nineteen for god sakes. How many problems can I have? Truth be told they are not life and death problems. I like to calm myself by thinking that many of you are going through the same thing. I'm not sure how many of you have to scream in your car in order to calm yourself down, or how many of you spend a lot of time asking yourself why things are the way they are. I hope not many of you do, because honestly it's a waste of time.
I've come to realize that I let things that shouldn't really matter get to me.
I hate the fact that people who don't know me hate me. Honestly I wouldn't care if they were just a random person in one of my classes that hated the fact that I asked a question. It bothers me though that people who are friends with my friends hate me. It bothers me because someone I care deeply for is being the receiver to these messages (yeah I'm taking speech) It scares me to think that my friends are friends with that kind of people which then interconnects to the fact that if they are friends it's because they have things in common. What if eventually they get persuaded to start thinking the way their friends do.
Side note: Let me make one thing clear. Quiet does not equal Hate. I am a quiet person. I can honestly say that I don't hate anyone. I might not care for you, but I don't hate you.
I told my mom a couple of months ago that I would get nervous all the time. My mom being my mom of course wanted to take me to the doctor. I honestly got more freaked out about that than anything else. What if they had to medicate me? No scratch that. They would medicate me. I don't want to be a pill popping nineteen year old.
Now here is what pisses me off the most.
My life is perfect. I seriously could not ask for more.
I have parents who love each other so much its ridiculous.
I have the coolest sister in the world.
We are economically stable.
We get along so well.
We're like the fucking Brady Bunch. We have the crazy maid and all.
How fucked up is it, that outside of me everything is perfect but somehow inside its freaking torture?
I don't want to go to a psychologist because I feel like if I do the only solution they can give is drugs. I don't want to fool myself into thinking I'm fine. I want to actually be fine.
I know this blog is like a whole lot of rambling and a whole lot of crazy.
But bear with me.
I want to say this. All of you who don't like, and I know you know I know who you are what you think of me does bothers me, so you win. Congratulations.
I need help.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Wake up Exhausted
I kind of love Alkaline Trio and I love Tegan and Sara this made me happy...
Tegan looks freakishly like Sara in this video(most of you are like they are twins genius! but you can tell them apart), she lost weight.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
UTEP Library Epiphanies
I'm sitting at the UTEP library. I'm on the fourth floor sitting on the desk I have occupied almost every day since I started at UTEP. This desk for some unknown reason has a carved cartoon picture of a naked lady with huge boobs, every day I come to the library for some strange reason I always sit on this desk. I don't find it either funny or wrong, but for some undefined reason I find comfort in this desk naked lady and all.
I was thinking about it today, and it dawned on me that every time I come to the library my desk is unoccupied. It got me thinking about my desks past. I know I'm going there. I wonder what happen to my desk previous occupant. This person might have already graduated, or might have been expelled for vandalizing school property. Whatever it might be I just want to give a shout out to said person, and tell them they are awesome.
Moving on. As I was thinking about what I just wrote the girl sitting on the desk in front of me turned around and asked me if I could keep an eye on her things while she went to the restroom. I of course replied with my sweet smile and said sure. Once she skipped out of my sight this act got me thinking. I know I've been a thoughtful butterfly today. What exactly would I do if someone decided to steal her stuff in front of me? Would I tell them not to? What if they ran? I wasn't going chase after them, what would happen to my crap if it got left behind? Even if I did chase them what would I do once I caught them? Would I hit them? What if they hit me? Would I risk my life for a strange girls crappy PC? But then if I didn't chase after them what would I tell the girl once she came back from the restroom? I couldn't just leave because she would think I was the one who had stolen her stuff. Why god why had I agreed to such a responsibility? How much of an ass would I have been if I had said no?
I was having a bit of a panic attack
The girl came back, gave me a sweet smile said thanks, and then left.
I promised myself I would never take care of another persons crap for the rest of eternity. Funny enough this was about an hour ago, and as I am typing this I am looking over a girls super rad Mac Air. I've come up with a solution though. If someone does decide to steal the computer I am just going to lay on the library floor until she come back slaps me a little across the face, and then I'm going to deliver the performance of a life time and tell her I was brutally attacked.
Problem solved.
Anyways, I am suppose to be reading about public speaking. I hate it.
I was thinking about it today, and it dawned on me that every time I come to the library my desk is unoccupied. It got me thinking about my desks past. I know I'm going there. I wonder what happen to my desk previous occupant. This person might have already graduated, or might have been expelled for vandalizing school property. Whatever it might be I just want to give a shout out to said person, and tell them they are awesome.
Moving on. As I was thinking about what I just wrote the girl sitting on the desk in front of me turned around and asked me if I could keep an eye on her things while she went to the restroom. I of course replied with my sweet smile and said sure. Once she skipped out of my sight this act got me thinking. I know I've been a thoughtful butterfly today. What exactly would I do if someone decided to steal her stuff in front of me? Would I tell them not to? What if they ran? I wasn't going chase after them, what would happen to my crap if it got left behind? Even if I did chase them what would I do once I caught them? Would I hit them? What if they hit me? Would I risk my life for a strange girls crappy PC? But then if I didn't chase after them what would I tell the girl once she came back from the restroom? I couldn't just leave because she would think I was the one who had stolen her stuff. Why god why had I agreed to such a responsibility? How much of an ass would I have been if I had said no?
I was having a bit of a panic attack
The girl came back, gave me a sweet smile said thanks, and then left.
I promised myself I would never take care of another persons crap for the rest of eternity. Funny enough this was about an hour ago, and as I am typing this I am looking over a girls super rad Mac Air. I've come up with a solution though. If someone does decide to steal the computer I am just going to lay on the library floor until she come back slaps me a little across the face, and then I'm going to deliver the performance of a life time and tell her I was brutally attacked.
Problem solved.
Anyways, I am suppose to be reading about public speaking. I hate it.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Express my ass
So I broke my glasses…I know! My mother already gave me this whole speech on how I should be more careful and how everything should be put in a safe place. Personally I believe that I should just not after sitting on my glasses try to get them from under me without moving, I know! That was my bad! Any who so I went to Eye Mart Express because that’s where I bought them (and by “I” I mean my parents) so I get there and the place is packed, which just clarified any doubts I might have had on the whole creation vs. evolution debate because seriously if we are suppose to be ‘evolving’ how the hell can our vision be so shitty. Which also makes me think God has a really weird sense of humor with the whole making the world blind (well not really completely blind.) So anyways I get there and the place is packed so I walked in, signed in, and went to sit down so I could stare at myself on one of their super dirty mirrors. About 20 minutes passed and only one of the millions of people who were there had been helped, so I decided to stop staring at myself on the mirror and walk to the front desk to see why they were taking so long. The thing was that when I stood up I had like half of the millions of people staring at me, I’m not sure why, but I have a feeling that it had something to do with the 20 min straight I had spent staring at my own reflection. When I got up I felt a couple of eyes on me so I got super nervous and was unable to go make the eye mart express people hurry up, so I just switched seat which I’m pretty sure gave all the amount of evidence for those staring at me to be completely convinced that I was weird. About another 20 minutes went by and I was still sitting there (no longer looking at myself on the mirror) and finally they called my name, and like always did this weird face before attempting to say my name.
Here is our conversation:
Eye Mart Woman: Zarina Guerrero? (Insert a weird face here)
Me: Present!
Eye Mart Woman: (Gave me a weird smile, I’m pretty sure she hated me from there on)
How can I help you?
Me: I kind of broke my glasses. (I hand her the glasses)
Eye Mart Woman: (Looks at the glasses, looks up at me) We can’t fix them…
Me: I would try Oculus Reperum…
Eye Mart Woman: (A weird look, with a questioning smile)
Me: Harry Potter…
Eye Mart Woman: (laughs a little) Do you have a warranty?
Me: I think so…
Eye Mart Woman: What was your last name?
Me: Guerrero
Eye Mart Woman: (Comes back with my file) You do, let me go get you the frame.
Me: Oh no! I got it…Accio Frame!
Eye Mart Woman: (Wanting to get rid of me practically runs to get the frame)
After changing the lenses from one broken frame to the new one…
Eye Mart Woman: Here you go Miss Guerrero, try them on please.
Me: ( I put them on) Cool. Thanks I appreciate it.
Eye Mart Woman: No problem. Now if you could please sign the quill. (Smiles super big)
Me: (Smile my brilliant smile) No problem.
I love eye mart express, because they love Harry Potter.
I know this was a waste of your time, but I seriously don’t care…I just want you to know that I spent a trillion hours at eye mart express because glasses aren’t suppose to be left on couches for the asses to squished them.
That the lesson I learned this week.
I’ll leave you with this:
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
Here is our conversation:
Eye Mart Woman: Zarina Guerrero? (Insert a weird face here)
Me: Present!
Eye Mart Woman: (Gave me a weird smile, I’m pretty sure she hated me from there on)
How can I help you?
Me: I kind of broke my glasses. (I hand her the glasses)
Eye Mart Woman: (Looks at the glasses, looks up at me) We can’t fix them…
Me: I would try Oculus Reperum…
Eye Mart Woman: (A weird look, with a questioning smile)
Me: Harry Potter…
Eye Mart Woman: (laughs a little) Do you have a warranty?
Me: I think so…
Eye Mart Woman: What was your last name?
Me: Guerrero
Eye Mart Woman: (Comes back with my file) You do, let me go get you the frame.
Me: Oh no! I got it…Accio Frame!
Eye Mart Woman: (Wanting to get rid of me practically runs to get the frame)
After changing the lenses from one broken frame to the new one…
Eye Mart Woman: Here you go Miss Guerrero, try them on please.
Me: ( I put them on) Cool. Thanks I appreciate it.
Eye Mart Woman: No problem. Now if you could please sign the quill. (Smiles super big)
Me: (Smile my brilliant smile) No problem.
I love eye mart express, because they love Harry Potter.
I know this was a waste of your time, but I seriously don’t care…I just want you to know that I spent a trillion hours at eye mart express because glasses aren’t suppose to be left on couches for the asses to squished them.
That the lesson I learned this week.
I’ll leave you with this:
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I will never speak about the seven deadly sins again!!
i'm finished...
finally...
i over did it though, i needed 5 sources and i used 15. it was suppose to be a 5 page paper but i wrote 7...
why not go out with a bang! last paper for a couple of months might as well enjoy it...
anywho, i should probably get some sleep. i need to study tomorrow for history.
have a good night kids...
finally...
i over did it though, i needed 5 sources and i used 15. it was suppose to be a 5 page paper but i wrote 7...
why not go out with a bang! last paper for a couple of months might as well enjoy it...
anywho, i should probably get some sleep. i need to study tomorrow for history.
have a good night kids...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Oscar Wilde is sick
Ok so i'm in the process of writing my seven deadly sins essay, which i had already mention on a post bellow...
so i'm looking for quotes right, cuz im that kind of person who always starts her essays with the oh so typical:
"William James once said '....'" or "J.K. Rowling once said '...'" etc
i'm also the kind of person who wears sweater vests, but that's neither here nor there...
so i google "quotes on sin" and i got like a trillion hits, but i just go to the first option (which by the way i have recently found out how people make their websites be the first on the list) and among the first ones up pops WIlde...
now here me out, of course i heard and even read some material by oscar wilde (i was jack when reading the importance of being ernest out loud in my senior english class for god sakes! yeah i dont know why i ended up being a guy, but whatever i was the best fucking jack ever.) i remember the importance of being ernest being hilarious, but i dont think i payed much attention.
This guy was brilliant!
i'll just write some of his quotes i found the coolest...
“Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.”
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
“Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.”
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
“The heart was made to be broken”
"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. "
etc...
he is brilliant look him up. i know what im getting next time i go to barns and noble...
anyway...
peace
so i'm looking for quotes right, cuz im that kind of person who always starts her essays with the oh so typical:
"William James once said '....'" or "J.K. Rowling once said '...'" etc
i'm also the kind of person who wears sweater vests, but that's neither here nor there...
so i google "quotes on sin" and i got like a trillion hits, but i just go to the first option (which by the way i have recently found out how people make their websites be the first on the list) and among the first ones up pops WIlde...
now here me out, of course i heard and even read some material by oscar wilde (i was jack when reading the importance of being ernest out loud in my senior english class for god sakes! yeah i dont know why i ended up being a guy, but whatever i was the best fucking jack ever.) i remember the importance of being ernest being hilarious, but i dont think i payed much attention.
This guy was brilliant!
i'll just write some of his quotes i found the coolest...
“Society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world there are only individuals.”
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
“Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.”
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.”
“I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.”
“The heart was made to be broken”
"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction. "
etc...
he is brilliant look him up. i know what im getting next time i go to barns and noble...
anyway...
peace
Talking about the greenhouse effect
I have my astronomy final in an hour...
just some fun facts:
the greenhouse effect occurs in venus, earth and mars.
venus has the highest albedo in our solar system (which is the milky way)
the myth of martians first came into excistence in the late 1800s and early 1900s because of channels seen on mars surface. Lowell and Schiaperelli were the ones who saw them, it turned out to be an optical illusion.
there are 3 places in the solar system where volcanic activity takes place: venus, earth and io (jupiter's satellite)
the oblateness of a planet is the meassure of how much the 3d shape of a planet departs from a perfect sphere.
mars' satellites are called phobos and deimos.
ganymede is the largest satellite in the solar system.
mercury lacks an atmoshpere. making it super hot by day and super cold at night.
neptunes rings are called adam's ring, leverrier ring and galle ring.
the center of all jovian planets are made of solid terrestrial core.
etc....
i swear if i dont pass this test, i will give up on life...
anyways i'll leave you with this:
if you're not to long, i will wait for you my entire life
just some fun facts:
the greenhouse effect occurs in venus, earth and mars.
venus has the highest albedo in our solar system (which is the milky way)
the myth of martians first came into excistence in the late 1800s and early 1900s because of channels seen on mars surface. Lowell and Schiaperelli were the ones who saw them, it turned out to be an optical illusion.
there are 3 places in the solar system where volcanic activity takes place: venus, earth and io (jupiter's satellite)
the oblateness of a planet is the meassure of how much the 3d shape of a planet departs from a perfect sphere.
mars' satellites are called phobos and deimos.
ganymede is the largest satellite in the solar system.
mercury lacks an atmoshpere. making it super hot by day and super cold at night.
neptunes rings are called adam's ring, leverrier ring and galle ring.
the center of all jovian planets are made of solid terrestrial core.
etc....
i swear if i dont pass this test, i will give up on life...
anyways i'll leave you with this:
if you're not to long, i will wait for you my entire life
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