UTEP Library Epiphanies

I'm sitting at the UTEP library. I'm on the fourth floor sitting on the desk I have occupied almost every day since I started at UTEP. This desk for some unknown reason has a carved cartoon picture of a naked lady with huge boobs, every day I come to the library for some strange reason I always sit on this desk. I don't find it either funny or wrong, but for some undefined reason I find comfort in this desk naked lady and all.
I was thinking about it today, and it dawned on me that every time I come to the library my desk is unoccupied. It got me thinking about my desks past. I know I'm going there. I wonder what happen to my desk previous occupant. This person might have already graduated, or might have been expelled for vandalizing school property. Whatever it might be I just want to give a shout out to said person, and tell them they are awesome.
Moving on. As I was thinking about what I just wrote the girl sitting on the desk in front of me turned around and asked me if I could keep an eye on her things while she went to the restroom. I of course replied with my sweet smile and said sure. Once she skipped out of my sight this act got me thinking. I know I've been a thoughtful butterfly today. What exactly would I do if someone decided to steal her stuff in front of me? Would I tell them not to? What if they ran? I wasn't going chase after them, what would happen to my crap if it got left behind? Even if I did chase them what would I do once I caught them? Would I hit them? What if they hit me? Would I risk my life for a strange girls crappy PC? But then if I didn't chase after them what would I tell the girl once she came back from the restroom? I couldn't just leave because she would think I was the one who had stolen her stuff. Why god why had I agreed to such a responsibility? How much of an ass would I have been if I had said no?

I was having a bit of a panic attack

The girl came back, gave me a sweet smile said thanks, and then left.
I promised myself I would never take care of another persons crap for the rest of eternity. Funny enough this was about an hour ago, and as I am typing this I am looking over a girls super rad Mac Air. I've come up with a solution though. If someone does decide to steal the computer I am just going to lay on the library floor until she come back slaps me a little across the face, and then I'm going to deliver the performance of a life time and tell her I was brutally attacked.

Problem solved.

Anyways, I am suppose to be reading about public speaking. I hate it.